We talk a LOT about it, but does it really do anything good?

If you subscribe to the hierarchal traditions that our work culture has manifested over the years and are sipping the Kool aid from your favorite straw as we speak – this article is probably NOT for you – YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

I am admittedly WIRED to disrupt conditioned ways of thinking (particularly in the workplace), so these feelings are completely my own and not representative of any company, but here’s some unsolicited stream of conscious.

Generally speaking, I think feedback is an absolute waste of energy and here is why:

Feedback has been so formalized and weaponized in the workplace; we’ve lost control of positive impact.

Feedback is now the shield of armor that “SAD” people use as an “acceptable” form of criticism against people or groups that they likely have inherent biases against in the first place. It’s an opportunistic way to tell someone you don’t like what they did or how they did it, when you really just don’t like THEM. But guess what….we’ve literally coached everyone in the workplace to “share feedback”…so we’ve created this monster. We’ve made it an acceptable form of workplace harassment because we believe it drives some kind of improvement. But does it really? This brings me to my second point:

Feedback is only as influential as the person giving it.

If you don’t trust and respect someone – will you take their advice? Probably not. The same goes for feedback – if you don’t trust or respect the person providing it, you will (at best) ignore it – net 0 improvement, and (at worst) be hurt by it net -1 productivity/engagement.

We’ve created constructs of workplace feedback in the spirit of continuous improvement and making things better, but we have never created or required the pre-requisites of building trusting relationships with those we intend to provide feedback to, so what is the real yield of this “process”?

Feedback Inflames Minor Wounds

A lot of people may feel this is a new level of sensitivity, “bunch of snowflakes”, etc. Maybe so….and no matter your personal opinions about human sensitivity – words can hurt, and we’re all fighting battles that our colleagues know nothing about. Feedback about a project or performance at work has the potential to tip the scale of mental health for people in a BIG way, and if you’re not in a position of trust and respect, it can be extremely damaging and disengaging for the workplace- which actually negates the presumed intent completely.

Feedback will Create Collaboration Breakdowns

With unsolicited feedback – you’ve likely broken down any levels of rapport that you might have had. There will inevitably be feelings no matter how professionally delivered the feedback was. Feelings can lead to avoidance or additional confrontation, and rifts in collaboration. Unsolicited feedback leads to avoidance behavior, which naturally leads to less collaboration, and likely impacts work outputs.

“But, Jaylene, how will people know when they’re doing well or when things need improvement???”

We have to re-invent the concept and approach of what feedback is and close the floodgates that we’ve opened historically for WHO, WHEN, and HOW it’s given.

NO – it should not be acceptable for you to give feedback to someone you don’t know, who’s job you don’t understand, just because you don’t like something they’ve done. Sorry.

YES – you’re entitled to your opinions on your colleagues, their behavior, their actions, and their overall performance of work, but if they don’t ask you, it means you’re not in a position of trust – so keep it to yourself.

“What about 360 or 180 feedback you say?”

Not a fan. It’s too often weaponized by people who are given a platform to complain knowing the data will reach leadership visibility.

“What about sharing feedback with someone’s manager”

This is a maybe for me based on a few contingencies – is this a pattern of behavior or series of events impacting your ability to do your job well? Then let’s solution that, yes! If a manager has worked to build trust with their team, they will know the best way to drive improved behaviors based on what you’re sharing with them. DO NOT – expect that they will transfer your words to their employee.

ADVICE eats FEEDBACK for Breakfast

Here’s a thought: Let’s redesign the construct – instead of forcing people to provide feedback in annual performance reviews, or solicit random 360 feedback, or coaching leaders on the principal of “delivering real-time feedback”

Let’s first empower individuals to use their network of trusted professionals and colleagues to solicit advice. We know one will be better received and likely result in desired changes with less damage.

“But won’t people avoid soliciting advice for fear of hearing something negative?” I hear you. (jk!)

Advice can be constructive – I seek out advice from people I trust all the time, and hear things that I maybe wasn’t anticipating – but the difference is that I’m not discouraged by those words because:

A. I solicited it and mentally prepared myself, and

B. I trust the person I’ve asked – so I know their intentions, and I’m now reflecting internally on how to pivot, change and do things differently.

Second – We have to make leadership coaching more about building trust and rapport with their teams, their peers and their customers, and less about confronting people with “feedback”.

It’s fairly simple. Trust matters in this process because feedback is psychological. We’re communicating to each other with an expectation of changing behaviors and seeing different results. In order to do that, you have to have a foundation of respect.

Thoughts?